Just normal stuff, I guess

I’ve been trying my best to speak with Vincent, but he’s been out of school this entire week. This isn’t like him; his parents usually send him unless he’s deathly sick. I’m starting to think that Vincent has read my blog and found out about my ‘plan’… *sigh*

It’s… getting strange, too. Whenever I ask where he is, people don’t seem to know who I’m talking about. It’s not like he was erased by the Quiet; people remember him, I just have to describe what Vincent looks like. But the weird part is that everyone should know who Vincent is by now. I tried jogging their memory by mentioning his blog, but… They just give me this blank stare and ask what I’m talking about. I know for a fact that some of those people have read his blog. Something is messing with their memories.

But… I don’t want to talk about Vincent. I just… I want to focus on something that won’t depress me.

Lois is due any day now, and yes, I know I’ve said that a lot lately. Thing is, the doctor’s are confident that she’ll give birth soon – no complications at all. Well, she might be a week late, but… it could be worse, you know. I have some friends that were born three weeks late, and some born three weeks early.

But yeah, there shouldn’t be any complications, even if Lois has had a lot of stress. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: She’s tough. Tough and stubborn.

I visited her today, actually, and it was… nice. I’ve spent so much time focusing on the negatives in my life that I forgot about my awesome friends. (:

The entire visit consisted of random stuff, really. One of our conversations had to do with what Lois wanted to name the baby. Lois said that she and Will hadn’t really picked a name just yet because they wanted it to be a surprise. “The gender, not the name,” she told me, laughing. “We have a few ideas, but we’re waiting until, well, you know.” In a way, she makes some sort of sense.

We then talked about Will and what he’s been up to. Lois rolled her eyes at this point as if she was annoyed, but I could tell she was about to giggle her head off. XD “He’s over-working himself because of you-know-what. I believe he’s running a big paper route on the weekends and in the afternoons he works at a fast food joint. But, he’s like the only one who knows how to do his job because half of the staff was fired.”

“Have you all had any time together?”

Lois nodded. “Just a little bit. He came over Tuesday and we watched The Hunger Games. Never read the books, so I don’t really know if they explained it or not, but I don’t know why they’d put kids in an arena to kill each other.”

I stared at her for a few moments. “Honey, they explained that in the very beginning of the movie.”

“Oh, I know that.”

“… Huh?”

“Okay, look. I just don’t understand why the people in the Capitol would be in full support of kids killing each other. The whole thing just… I don’t know, killed any realism that it might have had.”

I paused, thinking about what she said. “I think… it’s because they had lived in an entirely different world than the rest of Panem. They see the tributes as game pieces, betting on which ones will come out on top. They don’t realize that it’s evil, though, because they don’t have the same sense of good and evil like the people in the Districts.”

Lois frowned. “I guess that makes sense, but what about those kids in the arena who looked like they enjoyed killing each other? Wouldn’t you say they’re evil?”

“All about circumstances, Lois. They killed others, yeah, but it’s not like they had a choice. ‘Kill or be killed’, in their case. And at the end, the main ‘bad’ guy realizes that he wasted his life because of the Capitol people, because of Them. He realized he was just a pawn in their game.” I took a breath. “There’s always going to be ‘evil’ people on either side of a conflict, Lois. It just depends on how you react to some situations.”

Lois looked away for a moment, reflecting on this. She turned back to me, her eyes narrowing. “You said earlier that the Capitol people didn’t have the same sense of right and wrong. But… They did know right and wrong! I mean, some did. The old guy, the president? The movie pretty much made him out to be evil.”

“Yeah, you’re right… I think people like President Snow are the ones who understand that they have power over people and can use it to their advantage. They realize that they’re doing something evil, but they don’t care. Beings like President Snow are just… they’re the ultimate evil, I think. They’re ready to use everyone – even their own kind – to make everyone miserable, and to further their own agenda.”

“… Beings?”

“Oh, you know what I mean, Lois.”

Lois stuck her tongue out at me. “Yeah, okay.” She paused, opening her mouth as if she wanted to say something else but closed it, like if she had changed her mind.

“What?” I asked.

She turned away from me; I could see her frowning. She didn’t answer for a while, and I was about to ask her again when Lois sighed. “I don’t know why you want to help him.”

By the tone of her voice, I knew who she was talking about. I shook my head. “I have to. It’s… what I’m good at, I think.”

“Able to help others, but can’t help yourself.”

“We’re called to do it, Lois.”

Lois shook her head, her voice becoming furious. “You don’t get it, Sarah! You’re only proving his point: ‘Only helping others because of moral obligation.’ And if I noticed that just by you asking around for him these past few days, you can bet he’ll see right through you.”

I started to tap my fingers against my leg. “I don’t agree. I have more reasons than just that.”

“Then tell me!”

I… I couldn’t. Not without telling her about these Fears, or Arthur and Martin… I… I tried to divert the topic, but I’m not proud of where it went. “You’re against it because of what he said on his blog.”

Lois’ eyes widened. “Why wouldn’t I be against it?”

“Look, you’re biased against him, Lois. Just admit it! You did something wrong, just like him!” I bit my tongue, trying to control myself. But Lois knew what I had been planning on saying; she saw the look in my eye.

“Say it.”

“No.”

“Say it.”

I sighed. “… At least Vincent told the truth.”

Lois said nothing, turning away from me. She stared out the window, silence drifting between us again. I fidgeted with a little flashlight on my keychain and upon hearing the sound of my keys I had the notion to get up and leave. I stood up.

“I’m not so sure it’s a lie anymore,” Lois whispered, a tear rolling down her cheek. I stared at her for a few more seconds and then I left, leaving Lois to cry herself to sleep.